It`s pretty fun went to the Drum&Bass party. The music was absolutely kickin ass fo good!!! Drinkin, smokin weeduh, jumpin. hushaushuahsuhausa. It`s cool hang out with some friends, I admit. Vvv cool. I really enjoy it. I think, it was cool cuz it`s with the music. Honestly, I was pretty strange there. Yup right, there were some friends, but when I`m around em, I don`t know why I feel vvv different. What`s the different? Dunno. Just different OK??? I`m different. I think I`m not good, and they all good. And they seemed strange to... the way they looked @ me.
Hey hey hey!!! It was a great party!!! OK???
Smile, smile... :))))))))
Unexpected Reunion
| Labels: cerpen bahasa inggris | 0 comments
I felt a cold breeze last night. Rainy season begin, and the rain didn’t stop everyday. I hope next month will be no rain again. I feel cold for a long time. The air was very cold. As usual, I sat on the top of the tallest building in the city, doing my stupid activity, the day dreaming.
The weather was very cold. I never thought that, the night was like the coldest winter seemed happen forever. Suddenly, the wind blew. That’s not the wind, but something. Something familiar, smelled like an old friend. I turned around. I tried to open my ear, so I can hear clearly what was going on around. I walked closer to the tip of the building. I saw the empty street, no one was there. And then, I turned around again. There’s someone I recognize, coming to me. He landed smoothly, smiled at me.
“Sorry to bother you,” he said.
“Hey, not at all,” I replied. He weakened his wings and degraded it a little. “What happened to your wings? It looks…”
“My wings changed colour. Silver is cool, don’t you think?” he smiled at me again, I smiled back. And then I heard a plop sound. His wings had gone of hide. He looked like a normal human after that.
I saw his shinning eyes. I didn’t notice how he could be in this place, found me here. He’s still the same with the last time I met him, looking fresh as always.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
He came in to the right time and the right place that night. I would explain to him what’s going on.
“I think I should move out,” I said.
“I see,” he said, and then he stood up, picked a cigarette. “Moving out?” he asked, gave me the cigarette, and lighted it up after I put it in my mouth.
“Thanks,” I said. “Yep. Moving out.”
“Why?” he asked me again.
“I smell danger around here and this place is no longer save for me, or us?” I replied.
“I found our friends died in the woods,” he said. “They must have been doing some autopsy to them before they threw them in the woods. And the other else must be kept in the hidden places.”
We’re silent for a while.
“How’s the Moesha?” I started new conversation. I hope it’s not the wrong question. If I ask him something, my first question is about him and his kind, Moesha’s breed.
“Fine, like always,” he said.
We’re silent for a while again, and then he started to talk, “I think we should stop writing something about us on the internet. It would convince everybody that we exist. What do you think?”
I smiled. “Hey, the internet is bullshit, though. They thought it’s a made up story, you know that? Are you trying to stop me doing that thing?”
“No, do what you want to do. We’re free to do anything we want. We have suffered enough dealing all of our problems and pretending what we’ve been writing is just made up stories,” he took a deep breath.
“They won’t find us, would they?” I asked.
“They won’t find us,” he said so unsure.
The weather was very cold. I never thought that, the night was like the coldest winter seemed happen forever. Suddenly, the wind blew. That’s not the wind, but something. Something familiar, smelled like an old friend. I turned around. I tried to open my ear, so I can hear clearly what was going on around. I walked closer to the tip of the building. I saw the empty street, no one was there. And then, I turned around again. There’s someone I recognize, coming to me. He landed smoothly, smiled at me.
“Sorry to bother you,” he said.
“Hey, not at all,” I replied. He weakened his wings and degraded it a little. “What happened to your wings? It looks…”
“My wings changed colour. Silver is cool, don’t you think?” he smiled at me again, I smiled back. And then I heard a plop sound. His wings had gone of hide. He looked like a normal human after that.
I saw his shinning eyes. I didn’t notice how he could be in this place, found me here. He’s still the same with the last time I met him, looking fresh as always.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
He came in to the right time and the right place that night. I would explain to him what’s going on.
“I think I should move out,” I said.
“I see,” he said, and then he stood up, picked a cigarette. “Moving out?” he asked, gave me the cigarette, and lighted it up after I put it in my mouth.
“Thanks,” I said. “Yep. Moving out.”
“Why?” he asked me again.
“I smell danger around here and this place is no longer save for me, or us?” I replied.
“I found our friends died in the woods,” he said. “They must have been doing some autopsy to them before they threw them in the woods. And the other else must be kept in the hidden places.”
We’re silent for a while.
“How’s the Moesha?” I started new conversation. I hope it’s not the wrong question. If I ask him something, my first question is about him and his kind, Moesha’s breed.
“Fine, like always,” he said.
We’re silent for a while again, and then he started to talk, “I think we should stop writing something about us on the internet. It would convince everybody that we exist. What do you think?”
I smiled. “Hey, the internet is bullshit, though. They thought it’s a made up story, you know that? Are you trying to stop me doing that thing?”
“No, do what you want to do. We’re free to do anything we want. We have suffered enough dealing all of our problems and pretending what we’ve been writing is just made up stories,” he took a deep breath.
“They won’t find us, would they?” I asked.
“They won’t find us,” he said so unsure.
Placebo Cover - I Know
| Labels: my cover song | 0 comments
Yup here it is, my Placebo Cover - I Know...
My Remix Global
| Labels: my remix | 0 comments
Blackout VS Oxide & Neutrino - Hey Mr. DJ VS No Good
BT - Force Of Gravity (Sojourn & Charly's Midnight Outro Mix)
Eminem - Cleaning Out My Closet (Devilicia Project Remix)
Inner City - Good Life (Labuena Vida en Notas Mix Plus)
Kai Tracid - Too Many Times (Trance & Acid Suicide Mix)
Kai Tracid - Voyager (Wrong Remix)
Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Til Get Enough (Trip On Liquid Mix)
Nine Inch Nails - Only (Skatercat Mix)
Paul Van Dyk - Seven Ways (Kernkraft Mix)
The Prodigy - Voodoo People (Storm Mix)
Zoot Woman - Automatic (Blaumond Remix)
You The Only One Who Can Give Me The Air So I Can Breathe
| Labels: my mp3, my song lyrics | 0 comments
I could never get away
A never ending the lover's game
And I stay here all the day
Wishing all the things away
I just want to fly
Follow my mind
Only you, I have to find
Everything about you, blowin` my mind
I just want to go to where you are
But it`s just a cloudy day
You don't even see me there
I really don't know where
Which way
I can't pull these things away
Here comes, the rain
Then I think of you again
You're the only one who can give me the air so I can breathe
I will always love you, want you to reply so I won`t cry
You're the only one who can give me the light so I won't die
You're the only one, I will always love you
I will always love you
You're the only one
earlier version
acoustic version
band version
A never ending the lover's game
And I stay here all the day
Wishing all the things away
I just want to fly
Follow my mind
Only you, I have to find
Everything about you, blowin` my mind
I just want to go to where you are
But it`s just a cloudy day
You don't even see me there
I really don't know where
Which way
I can't pull these things away
Here comes, the rain
Then I think of you again
You're the only one who can give me the air so I can breathe
I will always love you, want you to reply so I won`t cry
You're the only one who can give me the light so I won't die
You're the only one, I will always love you
I will always love you
You're the only one
earlier version
acoustic version
band version
Been Bullied
| Labels: stress | 0 comments
They had bullied me and I lost 2 millions. Damn!!! And my brother was a part of it...
DAMN!
DAMN!
Wreck It
| Labels: my song lyrics | 0 comments
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
Boys and girls don`t cry
I am a fucking guy
I bring it other way
Your world to the Bi
Got the balls on me
You gotta give me greet
You`re the day on meat
You gonna miss the bleed
You know that I...
That I meet you thoo
Gotta know what's here
You gotta love me
You could damned in here
You dumb, I`m a gay
You know that me...
It`s me me me
You gotta know
I`m the man infront
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
Boys and girls don`t cry
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
Boys and girls don`t cry
I am a fucking guy
I bring it other way
Your world to the Bi
Got the balls on me
You gotta give me greet
You`re the day on meat
You gonna miss the bleed
You know that I...
That I meet you thoo
Gotta know what's here
You gotta love me
You could damned in here
You dumb, I`m a gay
You know that me...
It`s me me me
You gotta know
I`m the man infront
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
This time, I wanna show you who I am
This time, you know what kind of man I am
This time, I don`t wanna lie again
Boys and girls don`t cry
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
On the fire, wreck it!
Unfinished Journey
| Labels: cerpen bahasa inggris | 0 comments
I never feel it. Time after time, year by year, all pass by and I never change a bit. I think I’m just a lonely creature. Very lonely, and always want to be alone.
Last night I was on the top of the Tower, watching the city sides. A quiet crowded. From up there, I could see the people walking pass by the streets, very clear, with my magical eyes I have. Even If I want to jump from the tower, I would do it happily. And I would land down there smoothly. I can fly like a bird. Fly to where ever I want. I can move fast, and human eyes can’t catch me.
I looked at those small humans down there! I’m glad I could still respect them, not like my other kind. Sometimes I help humans. My friends always think that I’m stupid and dumb. They never agree if I give them much attention and taking care of human’s business. I think I did great so far, that’s not wrong. There are so many of our kinds living around human. Sharing or gathering, or mind their business, for me is the normal thing to do. As long as I don’t have problem to handle them, it doesn’t mind.
“We will close soon, boy,” the security guy spoke to me. “You’re not running away from home aren’t you?”
I only shook my head without words. If I could, I could finish him right on time there, shock him to death. But I’m not in the mood. I took the elevator and went down, left the Tower. I walked to the avenue.
I walked far, passed through the city library, and finally reached the next park. At that time, I heard the animal sounds. I was not far from the zoo. Shock the animal to death sounded fun. Maybe that would make me calm. Animal’s flesh isn’t having the same taste with human’s flesh. Not as good as it.
I zapped to the pool, moved fast through the gate. It’s almost dawn and that place was very quiet like a dead park with only low lighting. I watched the Dolphin Pool. It’s not in the inside and pretty big. I dug down on the other side of the pool. And then I saw a dolphin swim right through me. I put my hands in the water to touch it.
“Do you want me to shock you to death?” I asked the dolphin.The dolphin replied with whistle. It’s not bad talking with the animal. Sometimes I feel like they know what I’m saying. See, animal is not like human. I think they are more mellow compare to them. Well, of course they don’t want me to shock them to death. I asked them a stupid question.
Last night I was on the top of the Tower, watching the city sides. A quiet crowded. From up there, I could see the people walking pass by the streets, very clear, with my magical eyes I have. Even If I want to jump from the tower, I would do it happily. And I would land down there smoothly. I can fly like a bird. Fly to where ever I want. I can move fast, and human eyes can’t catch me.
I looked at those small humans down there! I’m glad I could still respect them, not like my other kind. Sometimes I help humans. My friends always think that I’m stupid and dumb. They never agree if I give them much attention and taking care of human’s business. I think I did great so far, that’s not wrong. There are so many of our kinds living around human. Sharing or gathering, or mind their business, for me is the normal thing to do. As long as I don’t have problem to handle them, it doesn’t mind.
“We will close soon, boy,” the security guy spoke to me. “You’re not running away from home aren’t you?”
I only shook my head without words. If I could, I could finish him right on time there, shock him to death. But I’m not in the mood. I took the elevator and went down, left the Tower. I walked to the avenue.
I walked far, passed through the city library, and finally reached the next park. At that time, I heard the animal sounds. I was not far from the zoo. Shock the animal to death sounded fun. Maybe that would make me calm. Animal’s flesh isn’t having the same taste with human’s flesh. Not as good as it.
I zapped to the pool, moved fast through the gate. It’s almost dawn and that place was very quiet like a dead park with only low lighting. I watched the Dolphin Pool. It’s not in the inside and pretty big. I dug down on the other side of the pool. And then I saw a dolphin swim right through me. I put my hands in the water to touch it.
“Do you want me to shock you to death?” I asked the dolphin.The dolphin replied with whistle. It’s not bad talking with the animal. Sometimes I feel like they know what I’m saying. See, animal is not like human. I think they are more mellow compare to them. Well, of course they don’t want me to shock them to death. I asked them a stupid question.
Don't Giva Fuck
| Labels: stress | 0 comments
It`s not about it. OK? Don`t worry about me. And if you could, I think it would be vvv nice to you to stay out of it. I care about you, so please think about your life, your plan and what will you do to yourself for your future. Don`t think about me if you don`t want our healthy minds get hurt.
Do you know? I`m happy. But all of them, one by one they step out from my life cuz I`m not perfect. They don`t even wanna see me as a friend again cuz I left him and choose you. And you must follow their way too, to leave me alone. If you`re not like them, it means you are a stupid bastard. If you could bring back the time where I could grab my little precious in my arms, that would be different. You don`t know how it hurts and I`m pretty much traumatic to start all over again. Do you know what`s on my mind? I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don`t want anybody but myself. I want to live alone in this world. If I want to fuck, I`ll just go fuck myself. I don`t want control. I`m sick and tired watching you coming around to make me unconscious for your purposes.
I never judge about anything like people did...
And I don`t know it`s true or not to stole someone`s girlfriend...
Saying I`m sorry is not a good solution...
I`m vvvv confuse right know. Vvv fucked up...
And there`s no way to you to understand...
Do you know? I`m happy. But all of them, one by one they step out from my life cuz I`m not perfect. They don`t even wanna see me as a friend again cuz I left him and choose you. And you must follow their way too, to leave me alone. If you`re not like them, it means you are a stupid bastard. If you could bring back the time where I could grab my little precious in my arms, that would be different. You don`t know how it hurts and I`m pretty much traumatic to start all over again. Do you know what`s on my mind? I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don`t want anybody but myself. I want to live alone in this world. If I want to fuck, I`ll just go fuck myself. I don`t want control. I`m sick and tired watching you coming around to make me unconscious for your purposes.
I never judge about anything like people did...
And I don`t know it`s true or not to stole someone`s girlfriend...
Saying I`m sorry is not a good solution...
I`m vvvv confuse right know. Vvv fucked up...
And there`s no way to you to understand...
Perfect Time
| Labels: my song lyrics | 0 comments
Get it back to the start
and stop to worry
Fire it up today
No more waiting in vain
for the flame just light it
to ease the pain
Feel the high of the sky
and fly fly fly fly
High
Forget about it
Hey you
You need a perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you!)
Take a row, let it go
gotta find where to flow
on a perfect time
On the line
Play your mind to the groove
And all get down
so come on fool around
Feel the high of the sky
and fly fly fly fly
Fly
Forget about it
Hey you
You need a perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you!)
free yourself you have to start
set up
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
and stop to worry
Fire it up today
No more waiting in vain
for the flame just light it
to ease the pain
Feel the high of the sky
and fly fly fly fly
High
Forget about it
Hey you
You need a perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you!)
Take a row, let it go
gotta find where to flow
on a perfect time
On the line
Play your mind to the groove
And all get down
so come on fool around
Feel the high of the sky
and fly fly fly fly
Fly
Forget about it
Hey you
You need a perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you!)
free yourself you have to start
set up
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
Perfect time
On the line
Perfect time
(Yeah you, check it! ugh!)
The Drunkie Philosophy
| Labels: stress | 0 comments
The drunkie said some philosophy comes from his mouth. Nope, that`s not right. No matter his voice seems so convince and trustful or his words sounds very innocent and make sense, he`s a liar. Well, maybe I was wrong about it. I love his sensitive hearing when he`s on drugs. But it doesn`t impress me much. He`s very smart to handle the situation or to make a nice conversation. That doesn`t impress me either. He is a good fucking writer, got a cool musical work too. Still doesn`t impress me thoo. But talking about I`m desperate and crying, I totally agree with him. He`s right. And he`s right again for one more thing. He said that he`s crazy. He is crazy. Now, he`s fucked up anyway. What a big surprise. Maybe he`s happy has me as his slave when he`s high. He always be the winner and put me into uncomfortable things.
It`s his turn to have those problems now. The drugs made him change. I know what`s going on. The day where he tried to stop using it, he hurt him self, cut his wrist with cutter every time, to take the pain away. It doesn`t work for him. He`s down and confuse. He told me that he can`t stop using it. I can`t help him. I don’t want to fall deep with him. I guess he has to find another problem solver to handle his drug problem cuz he`s still addicted. I will always be there for him. I don`t care if people spit on us gay. Ha??? hsuahsuhaushuahushuahsuahuhsuahsuaa
Hang on, my friend. Fuck drugs!!! Sayz hell to Gunja Paradis!!! You`ll be OK…
And don`t forget to not zhakazha!!!
It`s his turn to have those problems now. The drugs made him change. I know what`s going on. The day where he tried to stop using it, he hurt him self, cut his wrist with cutter every time, to take the pain away. It doesn`t work for him. He`s down and confuse. He told me that he can`t stop using it. I can`t help him. I don’t want to fall deep with him. I guess he has to find another problem solver to handle his drug problem cuz he`s still addicted. I will always be there for him. I don`t care if people spit on us gay. Ha??? hsuahsuhaushuahushuahsuahuhsuahsuaa
Hang on, my friend. Fuck drugs!!! Sayz hell to Gunja Paradis!!! You`ll be OK…
And don`t forget to not zhakazha!!!
Rememberal
| Labels: cerpen bahasa inggris | 0 comments
I finally spoke to them with my shape as theirs. It’s very easy to read their mind.
I made 10 rememberall to about what we should do:
- Hide our ship, make it invisible to them
- Act like them, be them
- Do not show our shape to them
- Do not fly above them when they are around
- Do not moult your feathers. I you moult it, destroy it right away
- We can spoke to the animals
- Do not tell them what we are
- Do not kill them if you are not threatened
- Do not make them distrust
- Remain to allert
STUPID REMEMBERALL!
We’re not stupid. If they know something about us or see the something that they shouldn't see, we could vanish their memory easily. As we vanish the on files or datas saved in our wide space. With the note, have you the ability such as those which I intend here? If you’re not, means that the rememberall will hold good to you, so you should do it
I made 10 rememberall to about what we should do:
- Hide our ship, make it invisible to them
- Act like them, be them
- Do not show our shape to them
- Do not fly above them when they are around
- Do not moult your feathers. I you moult it, destroy it right away
- We can spoke to the animals
- Do not tell them what we are
- Do not kill them if you are not threatened
- Do not make them distrust
- Remain to allert
STUPID REMEMBERALL!
We’re not stupid. If they know something about us or see the something that they shouldn't see, we could vanish their memory easily. As we vanish the on files or datas saved in our wide space. With the note, have you the ability such as those which I intend here? If you’re not, means that the rememberall will hold good to you, so you should do it
Step Out
| Labels: my mp3, my song lyrics | 0 comments
I always make the fake about you
I wish I can get thru
I know that you would never find me
Cuz this world is to wide to play
Don't you see the things above you?
(Watch above you!)
Look at the sky and see around you
(Don't you know?!)
The stars would leading me to you
(Even though you never know!)
I'll step out from my place, right away
To get through...
You!
I know I'm far away from you, boy
There's no way to meet you
Besides, you don't even know me
I can't imagine have a soulmate
Don't you see the things above you?
(Watch above you!)
Look at the sky and see around you
(Don't you know!)
The stars would leading me to you
(Even though you never know!)
I'll step out from my place, right away
You!
Get through you!
You!
Through you!
You!
To get through you!
You!
Get through you!
download
I wish I can get thru
I know that you would never find me
Cuz this world is to wide to play
Don't you see the things above you?
(Watch above you!)
Look at the sky and see around you
(Don't you know?!)
The stars would leading me to you
(Even though you never know!)
I'll step out from my place, right away
To get through...
You!
I know I'm far away from you, boy
There's no way to meet you
Besides, you don't even know me
I can't imagine have a soulmate
Don't you see the things above you?
(Watch above you!)
Look at the sky and see around you
(Don't you know!)
The stars would leading me to you
(Even though you never know!)
I'll step out from my place, right away
You!
Get through you!
You!
Through you!
You!
To get through you!
You!
Get through you!
download
????
| Labels: stress berat | 0 comments
I`m still getting ready to move, to a new place. And the new place would be sucks??? I don`t know. But I have checked, my room would be smaller, and there`s no more space to put all my things for sure. There are babies and ill someone (I won`t be play music as loud as I want, that sucks!!!). And there are something on my mind :
- Do I still have the spirit to write any new music?
- Can I go party at night and go home with open door? (cuz I know they regularly close the door at 1 am).
- Can I suck cannabis in my room?
- Can I... * think * fuck!!!
Today I stole money from someone, 1 million...
And, well, I`m so so so sorry. I really need money to pay my debts, so I stole.
Sorry... Life is fucking amazing!!! Whoaaaahsuahsuhaushuahsuhuahsuhaushuahsua
- Do I still have the spirit to write any new music?
- Can I go party at night and go home with open door? (cuz I know they regularly close the door at 1 am).
- Can I suck cannabis in my room?
- Can I... * think * fuck!!!
Today I stole money from someone, 1 million...
And, well, I`m so so so sorry. I really need money to pay my debts, so I stole.
Sorry... Life is fucking amazing!!! Whoaaaahsuahsuhaushuahsuhuahsuhaushuahsua
For Them
| Labels: stress berat | 0 comments
Maybe for you, God created life vvv peaceful and great. Really???
As I know here,
For my Dad, God created life like "I can make my Children to be what I want without understanding their feelings."
For my Step Mom and her Children, God created life like "I`m the Queen/King/Princess/Prince and I am the owner of this world, better than everybody else, and they are nothing but just the low class people. Nothing can`t stop my way to ruin all."
For my eldest brother, God created life so good, "But why I have to deal with other family trouble while my own family live happily day by day?"
For my second brother, God created life like, "Hey, I gotta lotta friends, some of them always take advantages on me, but I don`t mind with that cuz I like them doing that to me, and my wife such a loving one if I do behave like what she wants and giving her much much much money."
For me, God created life so strange and pain in the ass, "Never ending pain, slavery without mercy, locked up, what I want are just dreams, and happiness always taken away from me after I felt it a while and that sucks!!!"
Damn, I`m still working on that fucking hell, today I work 12 AM - 11 PM. SHit!!! I`m vvv fuckin` tired. I prefer to die than continue working there. I just wish to die today, but God... again and again let me live. If I say "FUCK YOU GOD!!!" Will God mad at me? I know excactly, no. God will not mad at me If I apologize, yes. But should I apologize? I think, yes I should. My life become like this just becuz of myself, not just becuz of God. I am the one who make it like this, not God. There is no destiny, you know. And there is no faith. And there is no arrangement from God. Every life is on our own hands, not God hands. Why I said that? Well, becuz... If I want to do what I want, I must have been get some courage to do that. Just like, if I want to escape from my Dad`s cage, to quit being his slave or stop working, I can do it myself with any ways. God will not arrange anything for me about that. It`s all about how brave I decided to follow my own path, but I don`t have guts...
My body is very heavy. I don`t feel anything again today. When I touch my skin, I feel heat. Yesterday I cried, today I`m crying. And I just figure out... I will try to love the feeling when I cry, no matter it is vvv hurt. I will try to like the feeling and I will try to change it as my happiness. Yes, I hope I can do it.
I have another plan. Why if... I don`t eat until I die? Can I do that?
I thought too much about me shoot my head with a gun or me cut my wrist with sharp knife. I`m still afraid if someday I can`t handle my life again and kill myself...
As I know here,
For my Dad, God created life like "I can make my Children to be what I want without understanding their feelings."
For my Step Mom and her Children, God created life like "I`m the Queen/King/Princess/Prince and I am the owner of this world, better than everybody else, and they are nothing but just the low class people. Nothing can`t stop my way to ruin all."
For my eldest brother, God created life so good, "But why I have to deal with other family trouble while my own family live happily day by day?"
For my second brother, God created life like, "Hey, I gotta lotta friends, some of them always take advantages on me, but I don`t mind with that cuz I like them doing that to me, and my wife such a loving one if I do behave like what she wants and giving her much much much money."
For me, God created life so strange and pain in the ass, "Never ending pain, slavery without mercy, locked up, what I want are just dreams, and happiness always taken away from me after I felt it a while and that sucks!!!"
Damn, I`m still working on that fucking hell, today I work 12 AM - 11 PM. SHit!!! I`m vvv fuckin` tired. I prefer to die than continue working there. I just wish to die today, but God... again and again let me live. If I say "FUCK YOU GOD!!!" Will God mad at me? I know excactly, no. God will not mad at me If I apologize, yes. But should I apologize? I think, yes I should. My life become like this just becuz of myself, not just becuz of God. I am the one who make it like this, not God. There is no destiny, you know. And there is no faith. And there is no arrangement from God. Every life is on our own hands, not God hands. Why I said that? Well, becuz... If I want to do what I want, I must have been get some courage to do that. Just like, if I want to escape from my Dad`s cage, to quit being his slave or stop working, I can do it myself with any ways. God will not arrange anything for me about that. It`s all about how brave I decided to follow my own path, but I don`t have guts...
My body is very heavy. I don`t feel anything again today. When I touch my skin, I feel heat. Yesterday I cried, today I`m crying. And I just figure out... I will try to love the feeling when I cry, no matter it is vvv hurt. I will try to like the feeling and I will try to change it as my happiness. Yes, I hope I can do it.
I have another plan. Why if... I don`t eat until I die? Can I do that?
I thought too much about me shoot my head with a gun or me cut my wrist with sharp knife. I`m still afraid if someday I can`t handle my life again and kill myself...
Almost Done
| Labels: stress berat | 0 comments
OK OK. The 5 millions bill paid!!! But I`m still havin problems never going gone, damn it!!! I don`t have 3 millions, but 2.5 million. The bill is 5.485.400. His donation is 3 millions, so total with my money is 5.500.000. I`m still have a little money left. I can`t buy weapons with that little amount to kill the bastard. With that little money, not enuff to feed me too until the end of the month.
And the problems are, I have to pay electricity about 700.000 and telephone bill about 550.000. So, for that, I must get some money again before the end of the month about 1.250.000. And my salary is not much, I receive only 400.000 a month from my work. You know, the goddamn muthafuckin` exhausted work I always hate. I pray to God everyday and wanting for my death, but seems that god doesn`t understand what I want. I`m still alive and I`m not vvv happy for that.
What I can only do right know is to obey Dad and no more betrayal, I don`t want to fail again, I don`t want to let him down. So, I should do what he wants, make him satisfied, respect his life, and do my best to make him happy. I don`t care anymore about my feelings. It hurts my heart vvv bad, being his slave and some other shit I`ve been thru. Everything is for him, I don`t care about myself and what I want anymore. I don`t care if I`m still making or writing music again. I don`t care If I can`t hang out with my friends again or no. This life is not mine. I don`t know when it will be over. I guess, I have to wait to the day I die, and... I don`t want to kill myself or plan a suicidal shit. I`ll be my dad`s slave forever until I die. And I`ll try to get use to it eventhoo I don`t like it. And I don`t give a fuck about he`s not giving money for me anymore. It`s not his fucking problem anyway. And I don`t wanna beg him for money, no way!!! I know that he plan to buy a house cost 140.000.000 for his new son (My step Mom`s son). And that`s good. I`m not jealous. No way!!! He has a great life now with his new family, that`s good. But I always think that... If I could dissapear from this world and there is no me anymore, that would be a perfect life to be in this world. I won`t feel pain and I won`t fucked up again if I can`t get away from all this shit.
I can`t think of anything so far, no spirits, no power, getting weak, I can`t feel my body again sometimes, can`t feel where I am, can`t feel if this is real or not. I can`t feel anymore. SHIT. FUCK YOU DAD!!! But the most feeling I have for you is... I love you vvv much. That`s why I`m still doing what you want and serve you until I die, no matter I lost all my hopes and dreams. I don`t care about my pain. I care about you...
I plan to make a last letter for everyone. I feel that... soon, I will die in my sleep. I just don`t get it, why god never want me to die? I want to know the answer, but I never hear god speaks to me...
Very cold in here. VVV cold. I`m freezing...
I`m afraid if someday I will committed suicide, if I can`t handle this situation. I don`t know what I must do know. I don`t know...
And the problems are, I have to pay electricity about 700.000 and telephone bill about 550.000. So, for that, I must get some money again before the end of the month about 1.250.000. And my salary is not much, I receive only 400.000 a month from my work. You know, the goddamn muthafuckin` exhausted work I always hate. I pray to God everyday and wanting for my death, but seems that god doesn`t understand what I want. I`m still alive and I`m not vvv happy for that.
What I can only do right know is to obey Dad and no more betrayal, I don`t want to fail again, I don`t want to let him down. So, I should do what he wants, make him satisfied, respect his life, and do my best to make him happy. I don`t care anymore about my feelings. It hurts my heart vvv bad, being his slave and some other shit I`ve been thru. Everything is for him, I don`t care about myself and what I want anymore. I don`t care if I`m still making or writing music again. I don`t care If I can`t hang out with my friends again or no. This life is not mine. I don`t know when it will be over. I guess, I have to wait to the day I die, and... I don`t want to kill myself or plan a suicidal shit. I`ll be my dad`s slave forever until I die. And I`ll try to get use to it eventhoo I don`t like it. And I don`t give a fuck about he`s not giving money for me anymore. It`s not his fucking problem anyway. And I don`t wanna beg him for money, no way!!! I know that he plan to buy a house cost 140.000.000 for his new son (My step Mom`s son). And that`s good. I`m not jealous. No way!!! He has a great life now with his new family, that`s good. But I always think that... If I could dissapear from this world and there is no me anymore, that would be a perfect life to be in this world. I won`t feel pain and I won`t fucked up again if I can`t get away from all this shit.
I can`t think of anything so far, no spirits, no power, getting weak, I can`t feel my body again sometimes, can`t feel where I am, can`t feel if this is real or not. I can`t feel anymore. SHIT. FUCK YOU DAD!!! But the most feeling I have for you is... I love you vvv much. That`s why I`m still doing what you want and serve you until I die, no matter I lost all my hopes and dreams. I don`t care about my pain. I care about you...
I plan to make a last letter for everyone. I feel that... soon, I will die in my sleep. I just don`t get it, why god never want me to die? I want to know the answer, but I never hear god speaks to me...
Very cold in here. VVV cold. I`m freezing...
I`m afraid if someday I will committed suicide, if I can`t handle this situation. I don`t know what I must do know. I don`t know...
Love Life Shadow Boxer
| Labels: my mp3, my song lyrics, stress | 0 comments
You were right, that I`m alone
Nobody wants to carry me on
But I don`t want to be alone
to hug the shadows of my own
You were right I should be gone
So I won`t ever let you down
But I don`t know which way to go
Love life, shadow boxer
see song full info
I got Insomnia!!!
Insomnia. Insomnia. Insomnia. I typed 4 :p
Plus I have no money for paying bill = 5 millions. DAMN!!!
Cih, forget it...
Nobody wants to carry me on
But I don`t want to be alone
to hug the shadows of my own
You were right I should be gone
So I won`t ever let you down
But I don`t know which way to go
Love life, shadow boxer
see song full info
I got Insomnia!!!
Insomnia. Insomnia. Insomnia. I typed 4 :p
Plus I have no money for paying bill = 5 millions. DAMN!!!
Cih, forget it...
The People
| Labels: cerpen bahasa inggris | 0 comments
I see the people creeping near my ship
I see them in streets
I see them in television
I see them every where
There's no alien left in this world
It's just the people
Do believe with what I have seen
The people are real
The people force me to do what they want
The people want me to be what I'm not to be
When they ask their own kind about me,
They say, I'm the alien
I’m still wonder, if what they said was right
I might be the alien
Might be?
No
I’m the alien
I see them in streets
I see them in television
I see them every where
There's no alien left in this world
It's just the people
Do believe with what I have seen
The people are real
The people force me to do what they want
The people want me to be what I'm not to be
When they ask their own kind about me,
They say, I'm the alien
I’m still wonder, if what they said was right
I might be the alien
Might be?
No
I’m the alien
Polish
| Labels: my song lyrics | 0 comments
Wasted, impatient
To bare, the passion in your mindless selfness
Inanne relation, you feel inside me
And I dried
Polish all these things
Recover from sadness
And all the misdeed going gone
Here I am, you'd be alright
Delete all infliction
More saver, no lies
What I said was meant to perfect your life time happy
Just polish...
To bare, the passion in your mindless selfness
Inanne relation, you feel inside me
And I dried
Polish all these things
Recover from sadness
And all the misdeed going gone
Here I am, you'd be alright
Delete all infliction
More saver, no lies
What I said was meant to perfect your life time happy
Just polish...
DARK CROSS
| Labels: short audio drama | 0 comments
I`ll be busy for this one, special to my senior, Finn. Cuz I will off for a long while for this. I`m no longer Charly, I`m Kenny Fitz, Tom Hanzel`s Cousin. Who give a fuck?
What I like from the Dark Cross slogan is "Beware kids, do not play hell." The other slogan is "They know something you don`t know", and I didn`t catch why they have chosen the last slogan
I have 1 minute cheap movie commercial, 96 Kbps (justa sketch) go here --> http://www.mediafire.com/?sim11hxzduam129
The cool part from the dialog is when Faust as Leil Klima said "No, I just
don't want to throw my life that easy..." Love sexiiiiiiiiiiiiiih!!! I don`t like my part eventhoo it is longer words. Honest, I prefer to do Sam`s dialog "I'm not afraid to die..."
The song by Lain The Band is very cool for this R.E. A big big big Thankies to them awesome musician friend!!!
Wish me luck. I`ll shut my fuck up now
Bye!!!
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