For Them

Maybe for you, God created life vvv peaceful and great. Really???
As I know here,
For my Dad, God created life like "I can make my Children to be what I want without understanding their feelings."
For my Step Mom and her Children, God created life like "I`m the Queen/King/Princess/Prince and I am the owner of this world, better than everybody else, and they are nothing but just the low class people. Nothing can`t stop my way to ruin all."
For my eldest brother, God created life so good, "But why I have to deal with other family trouble while my own family live happily day by day?"
For my second brother, God created life like, "Hey, I gotta lotta friends, some of them always take advantages on me, but I don`t mind with that cuz I like them doing that to me, and my wife such a loving one if I do behave like what she wants and giving her much much much money."
For me, God created life so strange and pain in the ass, "Never ending pain, slavery without mercy, locked up, what I want are just dreams, and happiness always taken away from me after I felt it a while and that sucks!!!"

Damn, I`m still working on that fucking hell, today I work 12 AM - 11 PM. SHit!!! I`m vvv fuckin` tired. I prefer to die than continue working there. I just wish to die today, but God... again and again let me live. If I say "FUCK YOU GOD!!!" Will God mad at me? I know excactly, no. God will not mad at me If I apologize, yes. But should I apologize? I think, yes I should. My life become like this just becuz of myself, not just becuz of God. I am the one who make it like this, not God. There is no destiny, you know. And there is no faith. And there is no arrangement from God. Every life is on our own hands, not God hands. Why I said that? Well, becuz... If I want to do what I want, I must have been get some courage to do that. Just like, if I want to escape from my Dad`s cage, to quit being his slave or stop working, I can do it myself with any ways. God will not arrange anything for me about that. It`s all about how brave I decided to follow my own path, but I don`t have guts...
My body is very heavy. I don`t feel anything again today. When I touch my skin, I feel heat. Yesterday I cried, today I`m crying. And I just figure out... I will try to love the feeling when I cry, no matter it is vvv hurt. I will try to like the feeling and I will try to change it as my happiness. Yes, I hope I can do it.
I have another plan. Why if... I don`t eat until I die? Can I do that?
I thought too much about me shoot my head with a gun or me cut my wrist with sharp knife. I`m still afraid if someday I can`t handle my life again and kill myself...