For Them

Maybe for you, God created life vvv peaceful and great. Really???
As I know here,
For my Dad, God created life like "I can make my Children to be what I want without understanding their feelings."
For my Step Mom and her Children, God created life like "I`m the Queen/King/Princess/Prince and I am the owner of this world, better than everybody else, and they are nothing but just the low class people. Nothing can`t stop my way to ruin all."
For my eldest brother, God created life so good, "But why I have to deal with other family trouble while my own family live happily day by day?"
For my second brother, God created life like, "Hey, I gotta lotta friends, some of them always take advantages on me, but I don`t mind with that cuz I like them doing that to me, and my wife such a loving one if I do behave like what she wants and giving her much much much money."
For me, God created life so strange and pain in the ass, "Never ending pain, slavery without mercy, locked up, what I want are just dreams, and happiness always taken away from me after I felt it a while and that sucks!!!"

Damn, I`m still working on that fucking hell, today I work 12 AM - 11 PM. SHit!!! I`m vvv fuckin` tired. I prefer to die than continue working there. I just wish to die today, but God... again and again let me live. If I say "FUCK YOU GOD!!!" Will God mad at me? I know excactly, no. God will not mad at me If I apologize, yes. But should I apologize? I think, yes I should. My life become like this just becuz of myself, not just becuz of God. I am the one who make it like this, not God. There is no destiny, you know. And there is no faith. And there is no arrangement from God. Every life is on our own hands, not God hands. Why I said that? Well, becuz... If I want to do what I want, I must have been get some courage to do that. Just like, if I want to escape from my Dad`s cage, to quit being his slave or stop working, I can do it myself with any ways. God will not arrange anything for me about that. It`s all about how brave I decided to follow my own path, but I don`t have guts...
My body is very heavy. I don`t feel anything again today. When I touch my skin, I feel heat. Yesterday I cried, today I`m crying. And I just figure out... I will try to love the feeling when I cry, no matter it is vvv hurt. I will try to like the feeling and I will try to change it as my happiness. Yes, I hope I can do it.
I have another plan. Why if... I don`t eat until I die? Can I do that?
I thought too much about me shoot my head with a gun or me cut my wrist with sharp knife. I`m still afraid if someday I can`t handle my life again and kill myself...

Almost Done

OK OK. The 5 millions bill paid!!! But I`m still havin problems never going gone, damn it!!! I don`t have 3 millions, but 2.5 million. The bill is 5.485.400. His donation is 3 millions, so total with my money is 5.500.000. I`m still have a little money left. I can`t buy weapons with that little amount to kill the bastard. With that little money, not enuff to feed me too until the end of the month.
And the problems are, I have to pay electricity about 700.000 and telephone bill about 550.000. So, for that, I must get some money again before the end of the month about 1.250.000. And my salary is not much, I receive only 400.000 a month from my work. You know, the goddamn muthafuckin` exhausted work I always hate. I pray to God everyday and wanting for my death, but seems that god doesn`t understand what I want. I`m still alive and I`m not vvv happy for that.
What I can only do right know is to obey Dad and no more betrayal, I don`t want to fail again, I don`t want to let him down. So, I should do what he wants, make him satisfied, respect his life, and do my best to make him happy. I don`t care anymore about my feelings. It hurts my heart vvv bad, being his slave and some other shit I`ve been thru. Everything is for him, I don`t care about myself and what I want anymore. I don`t care if I`m still making or writing music again. I don`t care If I can`t hang out with my friends again or no. This life is not mine. I don`t know when it will be over. I guess, I have to wait to the day I die, and... I don`t want to kill myself or plan a suicidal shit. I`ll be my dad`s slave forever until I die. And I`ll try to get use to it eventhoo I don`t like it. And I don`t give a fuck about he`s not giving money for me anymore. It`s not his fucking problem anyway. And I don`t wanna beg him for money, no way!!! I know that he plan to buy a house cost 140.000.000 for his new son (My step Mom`s son). And that`s good. I`m not jealous. No way!!! He has a great life now with his new family, that`s good. But I always think that... If I could dissapear from this world and there is no me anymore, that would be a perfect life to be in this world. I won`t feel pain and I won`t fucked up again if I can`t get away from all this shit.
I can`t think of anything so far, no spirits, no power, getting weak, I can`t feel my body again sometimes, can`t feel where I am, can`t feel if this is real or not. I can`t feel anymore. SHIT. FUCK YOU DAD!!! But the most feeling I have for you is... I love you vvv much. That`s why I`m still doing what you want and serve you until I die, no matter I lost all my hopes and dreams. I don`t care about my pain. I care about you...
I plan to make a last letter for everyone. I feel that... soon, I will die in my sleep. I just don`t get it, why god never want me to die? I want to know the answer, but I never hear god speaks to me...
Very cold in here. VVV cold. I`m freezing...
I`m afraid if someday I will committed suicide, if I can`t handle this situation. I don`t know what I must do know. I don`t know...

Love Life Shadow Boxer

You were right, that I`m alone
Nobody wants to carry me on
But I don`t want to be alone
to hug the shadows of my own
You were right I should be gone
So I won`t ever let you down
But I don`t know which way to go
Love life, shadow boxer

see song full info

I got Insomnia!!!
Insomnia. Insomnia. Insomnia. I typed 4 :p
Plus I have no money for paying bill = 5 millions. DAMN!!!
Cih, forget it...

The People

I see the people creeping near my ship
I see them in streets
I see them in television
I see them every where

There's no alien left in this world
It's just the people
Do believe with what I have seen
The people are real

The people force me to do what they want
The people want me to be what I'm not to be
When they ask their own kind about me,
They say, I'm the alien
I’m still wonder, if what they said was right
I might be the alien
Might be?
No
I’m the alien