Thinks Evil

This is not the beginning, and this is not the end.
The story will goes and goes more sadly until we grow up and waiting death to come.
Who am I?
I'm nobody.
I'm just a person who thinks and worries too much.
How old am I?
Maybe I'm younger than you are even I am older.
I'm growin' up.
Do I understand myself?
Sometimes I do.
Do I recognize myself?
Not quite clearly, though.
Life must go on.
And day-by-day I learn many things.
Sometimes I ask myself.
Whose life is this?
This life belongs to everybody.
But I definitely see some gap.
It's about freedom.
It's about you can do what you want to do with nobody controls you.
It's about fair.
I watched many people force many people to do things.
The people from the environment,
Families.
And the neighbourhood.
Or somewhere else.
They cannot do what ever they want all the time, and find what's them.
They never satisfied.
The day when they started to think they should get away from all of their will, they will become a rebellion.
They will no longer trust their words, and keeps them far away from the real world.
And then they become a person who feels alone.
Like when I said; "They are around, but I never feel their presence."
Well...
I am a person who loves the night
The darkness.
And loneliness.
I only find happiness when there is nobody beside me.
I talk to myself, I fantasize my own world, and I started to forget outside world.
I locked myself in my room to stay away from their dirty talks about me.
My room became my home.
The safest world, and the better place where I could build my experiences.
I don't know how long I could stay that way.
I never count.
I almost forgot the days, the date, and the time.
Going so fast sometimes.
But it's also going so slow.
I don't know what's important to me anymore.
I try, warn you here.
Don't wasting your time - too much with the moment of loneliness.
Otherwise you will trap inside in the different world and can't get out.
The world that you have created on purpose is very dangerous for your life.
If you always stay in it,
You will not easily be able to be a strong person.
Not easily be able to be a patient person.
Not easily be able to be good.
Believe it or not..
It is happen to me and it's not a dream.
I become a devil.
I don't realize if it is bad for me.
And I just keep on walk in that way.
When I woke up in the morning from my long loneliness, everything changes...
Darkness is all around.
The favourite colours are blue and black.
Minor is the best song to hear.
There are no tears anymore.
I'm full of hatred.
Full of sins,
Full of revenge,
Full of devilish smile appears everyday.
I did, melancholy died in the half part.
I became someone who has my own world and rules.
No one can destroy me, and no one can disturb me.
I became a people that had the new things around.
I had a new world.
New life.
New soul.
I've gone to far from my loneliness.
I couldn't bare it.
The emotions exploded.
And I never gave a shit to anything.
I've been stucked in the different world of mine.
Seeing people as they are not people but aliens.
Huh..
Now I realized.
That way is no good for me.
That was wrong.
I failed to protect my life old days.
Trapped into my own fantasies and make my own illusions become real.
I was banished from the real world just because of my fault.
I never knew if that time I was trapped into underworld and suffered in my coma...
And now?
Will I change or not?
Will I have a chance to survive or not?
I don't know...