A LONG TIME REWRITE NOTE

This is not the beginning, and this is not the end. The story will goes and goes more sadly until we grow up and waiting death to come. Who am I? I'm nobody. I'm just a person who thinks and worries too much. How old am I? Maybe I'm younger than you are. Even I am older. I'm growing up. Do I understand myself? Sometimes I do. Do I recognize myself? Not quite clearly though. Life must go on. And day-by-day I learn many things. Sometimes I ask myself, whose life is this? This life belongs to everybody. But I definitely see some gap. It's about freedom. It's about you can do what you want to do with nobody controls you. It's about fair.
I watched many people force many people to do things. The people from the environment, families, and the neighboorhood. Or somewhere else. They can't do what ever they want all the time and fine what's them. They never satisfied. The day when they started to think they should get away from all of their will, they will become a rebellion. They will no longer trust their words and keeps them far away from the real world. And then they become a person who feels alone. Like when I said; "They are around, but I never feel their presence." I am a person who loves the night, the darkness and loneliness. I only find happiness when there is nobody beside me. I talk to myself, I fantasize my own world, and I started to forget outside world. I locked myself in my room to stay away from their dirty talks about me. My room became my home. The safest place in this world, and the better place where I could build my experiences.
I don't know how long I could stay that way; I never count the days. I almost forgot the days, the date, and the time. The time going so fast sometimes, but it also going so slow. I don't know what's important to me anymore.
I try to warn you here. Don't wasting your time - too much with the moment of loneliness. Otherwise you will be like me. Trap inside in the different world and can't get out. The world that you have created on purpose is very dangerous for your life. If you always stay in it, you will not easily be able to be a strong person, not easily be able to be a patient person, not easily be able to be good. Believe it or not, it happened to me and it's not a dream. In the past, I became a devil. I didn't realize if it is bad for me, and I just kept on walk in that way. When I woke up in the morning from my long loneliness, everything changes - Darkness all around. The favorite colors were blue and black. Minor was the best song to hear. There were no tears anymore. I was full of hatred, I was full of sins, and full of revenge. Devilish smiles ware appear everyday. I did, melancholy died in the half part. I became someone who has my own world and rules. No one could destroy me, and no one could disturb me. I became a people that had new things around. I had a new world, new life, and new soul. I've gone to far from my loneliness. I couldn't bare it. The emotions exploded. I never gave a shit to anything. I've been stuck in the different world of mine, seeing people as they were not people but aliens.
Now I realized. That way is no good for me. That was wrong. I failed to protect my life old days. Trapped into my own fantasies and make my own illusions became real. I was banished from the real world just because my fault. I never knew if that time I was trapped in the underworld and suffered in my coma.
And now? Will I change or not? Will I have a chance to survive or not/ I don't know. I still have a choice. If I go the wrong way, my heart will stop and I would die. From the bottom of heart and in my soul. I do. I do want to be a good person. I do, want to make everybody happy.
I do...