Rusak...

Sekali dianggap rusak, akan selamanya rusak...
Bagi saya, memang tidak ada yang namanya mengharumkan nama baik...
karena yang mereka tahu, saya ini memang sudah rusak...
jadi yang namanya 'nama baik', itu tidak ada gunanya, jika tetap ada mulut-mulut yang kotor yang selalu berprovokasi tidak baik tentang saya...
Saya hanya ingin menjadi orang biasa...
Orang biasa... tanpa memperhatikan pangkat, martabat, atau sesuatu yang terhormat...
Orang biasa, layaknya seperti rakyat biasa yang tidak berpangkat tinggi...
Whew...

Filos

radue duit rapopo. Sing penting mangan ra masalah, sing paling penting dhewe genah kudu sehat terus, nganggo klambi n lain sebagainya yo sak onone wae. Popularitas ra penting. Martabat ra penting. Sing penting cinta damai, ra pareng sombong, ra pareng serakah, ra njipuk sing dudu duwek-e, trus... Jangan merendahkan orang laen dan merasa lebih hebat... karo rapareng ngapusi, opo neh ngelek-elek wong liyo. Urip ki pancen rekoso. Yen pingin neko-neko n sing luwih, mesti dadi tambah rekoso. Dadi yo opo sing diparingi gusti allah, raperduli apik opo elek, tampani ae ro jalani dgn tabah. Jane sih akeh sing liane. Tapi aku ngantuk. Tak turu sik yo...

Down

I feel a lot of thing in my mind right now...
Such as...
I don't know when will I online again, I hope I can be online all the time but I can't, I don't know for how long.
And,
I'm so deeply totally very very sad that... I'll leave my favorite room, my house, my neighborhood for long.
Importantly...
I'm so very god damn mother fucking sad that I will not spending my time again infront of my computer in my room, doing what I usually do, my fun time for the rest of my life. I'm so very god damn fucking sad about it, god damn it!!!
But I have no choice...
I have to...
So...
Fuck!!!
Fuck it!!!
I'll do something hard and it's important for many people...
Whether I can do it or not, I'll do it the best I can, even though I have to change my style or change myself to be someone else I don't recognize...
I'll try to do that, if I have to. Cuz it's the only way for me to continue this life...
That's the point...
When I'm struggling to raise it, I'll absolutely remember that I have their support, their help and also their attention, so I won't be down too easily...
I always believe that God will help me, no matter what happens...
Keep struggling...
I hope I can do it...
I really hope for it...
I want to have more courage and strenght to do it...
I must...
Your blessing, please... my God...

LUPA

selama ini aku tidak pernah sadar tentang apa yang kulakukan saat ini, tiba-tiba saja aku melupakan keinginanku yang dulu dan aku kembali mengingatnya lagi. selama aku melupakan keinginanku itu, aku sama sekali tidak pernah berpikir tentang keinginanku itu lagi, dan apa yang kulakukan setelah aku melupakan keinginanku membuatku terasa seperti hidup di dalam dunia mimpi,... apa sebenarnya yang kulakukan sekarang? kadang-kadang terasa sangat mengagetkan dan aku tak tahu apakah itu membuatku senang atau tidak

Air - Sick

Gunna fly the flight again soon
Gunna fly the flight again soon
Whatta fuck!!!
I hate being in the aeroplane
Especially for a long fucking flight which reach more than 2 hours
See, while I was in the 8 hours flight, I puked most of the time
Fo shooo, If I`m in a long flight again, I`ll need more Puking Bag
I hate to fly in the flight again
Wella, I`ve never been on the first class
But I hate the fucking flight
The aeroplane make me sick
Let see...
Hihihi... I don`t mind to take a flight to Amsterdam in 1 hour flight from Homburg, thoo...
Cuz...
Hihihi... Will go to the weeduh cafe cafe for free joint fo sho!!!
Wuhuuuuuuuuu!!!

Geez... I post CRAPS today... WHATTA FUCK...
I will get on the flight nywayz soon!!!
And we will never have time to celebrate something...
Will be no party or CAND LITE DINE
AAAAAAWWWWWWWW MORIIIIIIIIIII!!!
That sucks...
Okie, what we should do now is just...
Pray for safety on the upcoming flight!!!

Confusion 1

Behind me is a deep hole
In front of me is a sea without a shore
I'm in the middle of nowhere
Which way should I go?

I have to make a decision
Between the right or wrong
I have to decide my destinationIs it good or bad?

Ballon

I`m sitting here, freeze for a moment to think about something to write. But, I don`t have ideas what to write. I can`t find a topic. I`m blank. I can`t think of something. Nothing comes out from my head. I always feel like that lately cuz I am too tired, I guess. Too tired about stupid work I do everyday. My work is nothing but a deep sour depression. My creativity doesn`t exist anymore cuz I hate my work. I prefer to be an employment like before (4 months ago). Don`t have to go to work, no stress, I can`t sleep whenever I want, eat whenever I want, go have fun wherever I want, and I could write anything or create something cool, never tired although *overworked*. See, I never feel awful when I do something I like even not sleep for 10 days (Yay!). But well... This is life. I have to work to earn money. I have to do that eventhoo I hate the work. That sucks. Really - really sucks. I wish I could stick myself with a needle and just pop, "DOOOR!!!" like balloon.

Old Activity

Yay, one thing is reminding me a lot about my activities that left behind.
I don`t forget about the nature and other living creatures thoo. I never do it lately just becuz of what? I am more seeing and meeting people lately and that makes me forget about enjoying the moment with nature.

Last time was... I had time sitting in balcony cuz the weather outside was vvv hot. I looked at the full moon about 1 and a half hours, felt the wind blows, hearing the sound all around in the night, not so crowded thoo. It`s not crowded, but the sound of night creatures were calming... Just feel it... I enjoyed it, really... It`s not just that, but I did close my eyes for some minutes and felt the air around me too, gathered with the nature of night... Feel so good...

For me, doing that is more fun then hanging out with friends, that`s how I feel...
"Other people might think that it`s a stupid thing to do." I think it`s not stupid. It`s help me to relaxing a bit. To calm down and refresh my mind. I also believe if the moon or the stars or the sun can give us power when we look at it and feel it with much attention we could ever feel it deep inside. Probably you think that it so stupid, but not.

Nyway...
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006!!!!
I`ll be at home and not going anywhere tonight cuz, I`m sure that quiet perfect joint and relaxing is the best way to do this year ;)

Been Bullied

They had bullied me and I lost 2 millions. Damn!!! And my brother was a part of it...
DAMN!

Don't Giva Fuck

It`s not about it. OK? Don`t worry about me. And if you could, I think it would be vvv nice to you to stay out of it. I care about you, so please think about your life, your plan and what will you do to yourself for your future. Don`t think about me if you don`t want our healthy minds get hurt.
Do you know? I`m happy. But all of them, one by one they step out from my life cuz I`m not perfect. They don`t even wanna see me as a friend again cuz I left him and choose you. And you must follow their way too, to leave me alone. If you`re not like them, it means you are a stupid bastard. If you could bring back the time where I could grab my little precious in my arms, that would be different. You don`t know how it hurts and I`m pretty much traumatic to start all over again. Do you know what`s on my mind? I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don`t want anybody but myself. I want to live alone in this world. If I want to fuck, I`ll just go fuck myself. I don`t want control. I`m sick and tired watching you coming around to make me unconscious for your purposes.
I never judge about anything like people did...
And I don`t know it`s true or not to stole someone`s girlfriend...
Saying I`m sorry is not a good solution...
I`m vvvv confuse right know. Vvv fucked up...
And there`s no way to you to understand...

The Drunkie Philosophy

The drunkie said some philosophy comes from his mouth. Nope, that`s not right. No matter his voice seems so convince and trustful or his words sounds very innocent and make sense, he`s a liar. Well, maybe I was wrong about it. I love his sensitive hearing when he`s on drugs. But it doesn`t impress me much. He`s very smart to handle the situation or to make a nice conversation. That doesn`t impress me either. He is a good fucking writer, got a cool musical work too. Still doesn`t impress me thoo. But talking about I`m desperate and crying, I totally agree with him. He`s right. And he`s right again for one more thing. He said that he`s crazy. He is crazy. Now, he`s fucked up anyway. What a big surprise. Maybe he`s happy has me as his slave when he`s high. He always be the winner and put me into uncomfortable things.
It`s his turn to have those problems now. The drugs made him change. I know what`s going on. The day where he tried to stop using it, he hurt him self, cut his wrist with cutter every time, to take the pain away. It doesn`t work for him. He`s down and confuse. He told me that he can`t stop using it. I can`t help him. I don’t want to fall deep with him. I guess he has to find another problem solver to handle his drug problem cuz he`s still addicted. I will always be there for him. I don`t care if people spit on us gay. Ha??? hsuahsuhaushuahushuahsuahuhsuahsuaa

Hang on, my friend. Fuck drugs!!! Sayz hell to Gunja Paradis!!! You`ll be OK…
And don`t forget to not zhakazha!!!

Love Life Shadow Boxer

You were right, that I`m alone
Nobody wants to carry me on
But I don`t want to be alone
to hug the shadows of my own
You were right I should be gone
So I won`t ever let you down
But I don`t know which way to go
Love life, shadow boxer

see song full info

I got Insomnia!!!
Insomnia. Insomnia. Insomnia. I typed 4 :p
Plus I have no money for paying bill = 5 millions. DAMN!!!
Cih, forget it...

NU YER

My new years 2000 :

NEW YEAR`s EVE 2001 was like a hell :
No where. I have some note about this new year`s eve I wrote it on my book. I wasn`t drunk, but I heard gun shot and other explosion in the streets just like a war. And that time I was thought ; If I go out side I would die, so I was frozen in my room and no cool music to hear cuz the electricity was dead

NEW YEAR`s EVE 2002 was like a hell :
I went out and rent a room in a hotel with some losers.

NEW YEAR`s EVE 2003 was dead drunk :
I performed with a common band. My friends came and brought me a lot lot lot drink. I was vvv drunk. And then I sang a song more than 10 minutes (the normal length of the song is not more than 5 mins). I puked on the parking lot.

NEW YEAR`s EVE 2004 I don`t remember :
Try to remember but I could not. Not in my book. I got sick, maybe...

NEW YEAR`s EVE 2005 was an awful accident :
I did video shoothing on a New Year`s Eve event. I fell off from the stage cuz I didn`t watch around except for the monitor on the camera. Shit... I got hurt badly on my back, some bruises, swolen. DAMN! THX god, nothing broken (That`s what I feel).

I`m sitting here now in front of the computer and feel my back still hurt, I know I need to lay down but I can`t sleep cuz I`m so alone...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, if you think NEW YEAR is VVV fun to you!!! :P
F-U-C-K A-L-O-N-E

TAI MBONJROT

ceprooooooot!!!!! opo kuwik?? ndasku kepathak plastik sing isine tai tur tai mencret!!! huahahahazhaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! tapi kok ambune koyo selei setroberi ngono. sopo kiro-kiro sing ngising yo? enak tenan. ising kok koyo selei setroberi. yen ngedegke pabrik selei mesti cepet sugih... :D

jroooot!! waaaaa....!!! nggilani!!! umbele akeh tenan!! gek tur kok rasane koyo yogurt!! wuusss... jan setil tenan... umbele sopo kuwi mau? iki opo tunggale sing tai selei setroberi mau? wong ngendi tho?? hebat tenan...

aku nulis opo tho ikiiiii buneeee??? ramuthuuuu...

yo ben...

mbuh ah crit!!!

i'm almost 18.. :P who chares???

Я справедлив другое тело

вниз.

Внутренне кровотечение круглое и круглое. И все, котор я могу думать будут дороги умереть самостоятельно.

Портрет моего скелетного увеличения.

Левые шкурные и голодные так подают мне боль.

Реальность избежания с новой болью.

После этого препятствуйте циклу начинать снова. И все, котор я могу думать будут дороги умереть самостоятельно.

И все, котор я могу думать будут дороги умереть самостоятельно.

Сновидение содержания, боль фильтровало ферму.

Все, котор я могу сказать.......

Сновидения плох когда все, котор они делают будет разрешение правда позади.

Сновидения плох когда все, котор они делают будет разрешение правда позади.

Сновидения плох.



udah ahhhhh....

pinggon (pingin nggontho)....

modaroooooooooo...

FUCK CROT!!!

FUCK ALL!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

YES!!

ERASE ME FROM UR MIND GOD DAMN IT!!!

ERASE MY THOUGHT OF YOU TO FROM UR BOOK!!!

SHIIIT!!!

SHIIIT!!!

SHIIIT!!!

FUUUUUCK!!!!

ARRRRRGGGHH!!!

FUCK YOU TOO BRIAN!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

FUCK ALL!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Mlarat butuh duit po?

bapak & mommy went to russia yesterday. to bad i don't go with them.
i would like to go, you know. but i don't want to bother their trip.
well, i told my friend michelle to watch them instead if they go to moscow.
i think michelle is vvv disapointed b'cuz i couldn't meet him in moscow.

к michelle:
я пропускаю вас, я надеюсь я может прийти к moscow с моими отцом и матью может я сказать?
вы знаете мою ситуацию, не делаете вы?
я надеюсь мы может встретить скоро.

hmm, sorry michelle. i promise, one day i'll go to moscow to meet you, even in my dreams.. :)
i have something important to do. and i still don't know what should i do.
let see,...
i need money, it's about $500.
i haven't paid the telephone bill for 2 months, the electricity bill for 2 months & also the water bill for 2 months.
how can i get a lot of money? i'm not doing anything these days. not a single work makes money.
now i stay with mr.ndut's family (since april) and i must save some savings not wasting my savings. but still have to pay my telephone bill for the internet. shit. i haven't pay all bills for my old house, and i have to pay more here?
fuck myself being an irresposible person!!
so far, i never worry at all about all of that.
i think, tomorrow,... god will throw $500 from the sky for me...
:)
boros duit raiso diilangi
piye ki?

Nyicil Beres-beres, Pedhot, dan sebagainya...

Lhah! Ternyata beres-beres itu cape. Sampe sekarang I blom pindah-pindah...
Biarin aja ah. Abis it's very hard to leave this home...
Kalau pergi ke mana-mana aja, pasti homesick mulu, n pertama kali yang kangenin pasti kamar.
Wah,.. ntar kalau udah pindah, kalau homesick gimana ya?? Huuu...

Hari Senin, mendem. Hari Slasa mendem, n hari Rabo waras, soalnya yang bikin mendem udah habis.
Hari Slasa kmaren diputusin ama si Nicolas. Hiks..hiks.. sekarang single, ndak punya pacar.
Tapi perasaan, single ama punya pacar sama aja. Soalnya Nicolas jarang ketemuan n jarang merduliin...
Jangan mikirin dia lagi, kalau terus-terusan mikirin dia nanti jadi pekok...
Aku tuh ndak baik buat dia. Dia masih bisa dapetin cewek yang lebih lagi.
"Ya ndak, Nico???"
Tau ndak? Kalau aku tanya sama Nicolas pertanyaan yang dalam kurung di atas itu, sebelom aku ngomong 'koe iso golek wong wedok sing luweh apik timbang aku,... Si Nico jawabnya gini : "Thanks for your understanding.."
Makanya itu aku sering-sering bilang ke aku sendiri kalo "Kowe kuwi nyet anggota ' THE BEST UNDERSTANDING WOMEN' in the world...
Tapi ndak di semua bidang. Yang bener-bener 'THE BEST UNDERSTANDING WOMAN', jelas ndak mungkin ada. Sebagai anggota, tentu gak 100% THE BEST. I'm not 'THE BEST'. Sekali lagi tak bilangin ya... jangan salah sangka ngira I sombong. I bukan 'THE BEST'...
Dadah Nico! Nanti kalau ketemu lagi, mudah2an kowe wes nggandeng cewek ayu yang tampangnya koyo model. Kowe seneng tho karo model? Hehehehe. Sorry ya, kalau udah sering bikin malu kamu yen pas lagi jalan-jalan. Kamu sbenere ndak mau khan jalan sama cewek jelek koyo aku? Aku bukan model. Huahahahaha!!

Biasa wae, cah!!

Sempet Revisi lagu 'Syap' terus bikin 'Zil' yang versi DnB sama 'Kmarau' DnB. Suka banget sama 'Kmarau'!! Hehehe...
Me ama si 'Chu mo rencana bikin V-Klip lagi, tapi yang 'tenanan', ndak koyo sing wingi2 itu (mung dolanan iseng thok)...
Lumayan khan buat koleksi... Hihihi.. I mang suka bilang semuanya buat koleksi. Bikin lagu banyak buat dikoleksi, bikin V-Klip buat dikoleksi, syukur-syukur kalo bisa dipublikasi ndak apa2 juga. Cuma itu bukan yang No.1. Yang No.1 itu, yang penting kegiatan iseng2 jalan terus. Bikin lagu terus, dll dll...

BUADJIIING

I tuh orangnya emang bajingan banget ya?

B A J I N G A N . . . .

Leaving Home

I stay in STB apt. I'm very sensitive though... Thought that I gave everybody too much trouble and that's screwed everything.
And then I decided to go back again, what am I doing? That's not the plan!!
I'm again...
Stuck with the glamorous night time and weed...

Leave You

It seems that it means good for me
The way to get my life feels free

Make it go away
Make it in disappear
Make it in today
Make it happen

And I don't want to ruin my way
I have to leave you
And I don't want to live my life
to be you
I want to be alive
I want to kill you
But honestly I really really love you

You speak like you don't recognize me
I know myself and you don't know me

Make it go away
Make it in disappear
Make it in today
Make it happen

And I don't want to ruin my way
I have to leave you
And I don't want to live my life
to be you
I want to be alive
I want to kill you
But honestly I really really love you

Grown-ups never give a damn about someone's business, because they realize if they should respect life.
Just help each other. No judgment...
My razor-blade's gone. No piss in my pants...

New Year's Eve 2003 is Like A Hell

What is so special about new year's eve 2003??
- A new blog.
- So close to my own life.
- Slept in a hotel room last night.
- A new place to stay.
- Have to get a new job this month.

What's the worst thing about new year's eve??
- Busted.
- Made my family disappointed.
- Sick ; I have a terrible flu and bad cough, also a little fever.
- Can't drink lots of whiskey cuz I'm sick.
- Can't stop thinking of my old works and my computer. What will I do to those things if I moved out?
- Very tired.

Present day or past day, new year's eve for me is not very special.
New year's eve is like a hell
New year's eve is like a hell
New year's eve is like a hell